and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
