I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
