1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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