a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
