Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
