I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
