John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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