k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize