I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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