At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
