You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Randomize
