ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
