Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
