It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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