He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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