SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
