i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
These tits shall not be calmed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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