You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
