she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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