I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
