i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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