What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
