70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
