is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
