I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
