I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
