Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
