I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
