I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
