how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
