I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
