JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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