just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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