I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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