I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
