If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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