Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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