hotel room ftw
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
