Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
