Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Terrible idea I love it
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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