1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Randomize
