im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
