someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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