He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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