SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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