just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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