they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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