so that wasnt chicken after all
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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