did you get engaged???
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Sober January is a disaster.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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