grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
