took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
