My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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