we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
