But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
