you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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