3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
