I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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