we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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