You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
