i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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