We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
