If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
