I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
