is your mom at the bar?
People in love make me want to vomit
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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