we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
