You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
