Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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