Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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