my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
