he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
