I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
