I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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