she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
