My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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