I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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